today was a good day

I had a great day today. I didn't feel tired and run down as I have been lately, which was awsome. I didn't do anything different I just felt better. Crazy huh? I babysat Gabe this morning (he had shots yesterday so he was kinda cranky) its so amazing how fast he is growing. He is now 7 months and I am enjoying keeping him so much and seeing him learn and grow. Jamie is enjoying it to its so sweet when hes talking to him. He will be a great dad, I already knew that by how great he is with our furbabies. I can't wait til make him a daddy!!! Then after Gabe left I went to my parents and helped my mom with a few things she needed done. Just the same ol thing as always. Just a great day!!

After much prayer and reading my Bible I have left my infertility in His hands completely. I have always had faith in God but I have never really fully let go, I have now. If I never get the chance to become a mother I will still love Him I will not turn my back on him, I will not blame him. Its all up to God.

I will get back on track with my diet, not only for the chance to become a mom but for my health. I just felt so much better when I was following my diet and I know i can do it with Gods help and the support of my family and friends. I will start taking my meds again. I know that it was bad to get off them in the first place, but i just felt so horrible and down in the dumps. What has helped me believe it or not was prayer, my Bible and music (some songs just touches your soul....you know what i mean?).

Please keep my in your prayers!!

today

I didn't go to church yesterday. Jamie went on and went without me. I just couldn't get I was so exhausted! I slept til 330 yesterday! Ever since I found out that our insurance will not cover anything to do with infertility I have kinda been depressed. I haven't been taking my meds and I have been off my diet. I think that is why I feel so bad. Don't really know but I am going to get back on track!

Sometimes I want to give up hope. Sometimes I feel as though maybe I don't have enough faith. I pray and pray and my prayers just don't get answered. I believe that if its Gods will I will have a baby. But then sometimes I wonder why I have had to wait 6 years (and still waiting) for my miracle. I'm not questioning God I am just wondering........

Everyone please keep me in your prayers!

some days are better than others

Some days are better than others. Sometimes i feel as though i will become a mother soon and then other days i think it may never happen. It just so hard sometimes. i work 5pm til 1am and then I babysit a baby boy 7am-3pm and i love babysitting him its such a joy. on the days that i don't babysit him i miss him. he is 6 months old and somedays he is good and then others hes not. its a good learning tool i guess. lol

since i was probally 11 i have always had somebodies kid. i was five when my sister what born and i always "played" momma with my sister and would always babysit her. i love to babysit when i was a teenager my cousin had twins and i used to keep them for days at a time. i would always call and see if i could have them. All through high school i took childcare classes and i loved them it was so much fun! Then i worked at a daycare for awhile and it broke my heart when i had to quit. i didn't get but 2 hours a day and i had bills to pay. i have wanted to be a mommy for as long as i can remember.

when we got married 6 years ago we wanted to start a family right away i was 18 and i just assumed it would happen right away. i knew i had pcos but then i didn't really realize what that really meant. my mom tried and tried to get me to go to the doc when i first started having female troubles but i never would go. now i regret that but you can't go back to your past and redo it. as of right now i am doing all that i can do my insurance will not pay for any infertility treatments which breaks my heart. i am taking metiforium 2000mg a day, i have been taking a prennatal vitamin for 6 years now. i also have thyroid dieases and take synthryoid 125mcg a day for that. i am also dieting or trying to they say losing weight will help increase my fertility. i am also taking a fertiliy blend that i bought from gnc so we will see.

i have started this blog for myself just kinda like a journal i guess. it may be all over the place and may not make sense i'm new to this.

everyone please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.