some days are better than others

Some days are better than others. Sometimes i feel as though i will become a mother soon and then other days i think it may never happen. It just so hard sometimes. i work 5pm til 1am and then I babysit a baby boy 7am-3pm and i love babysitting him its such a joy. on the days that i don't babysit him i miss him. he is 6 months old and somedays he is good and then others hes not. its a good learning tool i guess. lol

since i was probally 11 i have always had somebodies kid. i was five when my sister what born and i always "played" momma with my sister and would always babysit her. i love to babysit when i was a teenager my cousin had twins and i used to keep them for days at a time. i would always call and see if i could have them. All through high school i took childcare classes and i loved them it was so much fun! Then i worked at a daycare for awhile and it broke my heart when i had to quit. i didn't get but 2 hours a day and i had bills to pay. i have wanted to be a mommy for as long as i can remember.

when we got married 6 years ago we wanted to start a family right away i was 18 and i just assumed it would happen right away. i knew i had pcos but then i didn't really realize what that really meant. my mom tried and tried to get me to go to the doc when i first started having female troubles but i never would go. now i regret that but you can't go back to your past and redo it. as of right now i am doing all that i can do my insurance will not pay for any infertility treatments which breaks my heart. i am taking metiforium 2000mg a day, i have been taking a prennatal vitamin for 6 years now. i also have thyroid dieases and take synthryoid 125mcg a day for that. i am also dieting or trying to they say losing weight will help increase my fertility. i am also taking a fertiliy blend that i bought from gnc so we will see.

i have started this blog for myself just kinda like a journal i guess. it may be all over the place and may not make sense i'm new to this.

everyone please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.